Took a break

It's been a little bit since my last blog post. So much has happened. Being cursed with the burden of knowledge over whats been happening with the US government had made me tired and jaded so for the sake of my mental health I had to take a break from trying to cover the topic for a awhile. I still have been watching whats been going on but now things feel different. I am seeing how much this all is effecting my friends, a lot of them are feeling the same way I did during the break. Helpless and depressed. I see this and it's made me feel something else. Hate and spite, both directed at fascists. I grew up being taught that you should be treating everyone the way you want to be treated. By that logic an uncomfortable amount of people in the US want to be treated like shit. They never taught us about the paradox of tolerance. They taught us to be tolerant and obedient. Well, this mindset is exactly what has allowed for fascism to take over. People got too comfortable and ignored the problem right in front of them. You have the right to be angry. You should be angry instead of depressed. Laying down and rotting in a bed wont solve anything here.

I'm in the middle of moving with my parents. Some of you might remember some of the choice words I've had to say about them and how I am trying to get away from them ASAP. If you do then you might be upset that I am moving with them. I wish I got a choice in the matter but moving out until I get 2 or 3 other people to room with and a job lined up. Rent in this country is fucked up. How are you supposed to live off minimum wage in your own apartment without roommates? I can't find a place for less then $1000 a month anywhere I look. Anyways everything that could go wrong with this move has. We have been denied from 3 places and another one is likely going to be denied too making it 4. To be clear it's not that we are getting denied for background checks and credit scores (I don't have one) we keep getting denied because someone got the property before us. They didn't let my parents know that we got denied one of the houses they were going to check out until they got halfway through the 4 hour drive over there. Despite my issues with my parents, this one's not their fault. We nearly got the first house, it would have been perfect. It was right down the street from the college that I going to and had ton of vegan friendly food in the area. Oh well.

Speaking of college, I don't know if I am going to be able to afford it. I already expected to be somewhere in the same state and have a job by now. I might have to wait until I can pay for it out of pocket since fafsa seems to be under attack by the fascist regime in control of this country. Because I am currently out of the same state as the college, I am likely to get next to 0 fafsa money as is. Once I do register my classes I am going to have pay an initial amount which I wont be able to pay any time soon if I don't get enough from fafsa. The break I took was mostly about politics but it also was so I could try to figure shit out and help with a move that keeps getting delayed.

I'm changing as a person through everything going on. I don't put up with the nearly the same levels of bullshit as I used to but life in itself can be bullshit. I'm finding it harder and harder to be silly. At least, it feels harder to be silly in the way that I used to be. I still have the ambition, not working on my websites has been eating away at me inside but I just could not bring myself to do it again until today. I just feel aimless with it at times unless I am working on something like the snatching blog posts where I can see the impact and good I am doing. My site is likely to become more political as our human rights continue to be taken away. I'm going to make another blog post for the California protests once things settle down a bit. I have been saving videos coming out of them and the same protests in other states. For now I am going to try to enjoy the sun while it's not as hot as it usually is here.