7/13/26
I managed to convince Tina to watch the fox kids version of the digimon movie with me because I remember watching it a ton as a kid. Well uh, it sure is a movie. pain. I remember it being so much better.
We are currently going through and watching the original 4, they are so much better it's not even funny. The fox kids version serves as a testament as to why you should not let fox kids touch your movies with a 10 foot pole.
7/11/26
Ugh I spent almost all of my week off playing games instead of working on my projects and now I gotta go back to work later today. At least I got a microblog update and new page up on this site.
7/5/26
Instead of celebrating independence day yesterday, Tina and I celebrated the people in our lives and trans pride. We still grilled some beyond beef burgers tho. We ate them outside and complained about the fireworks, mostly about how people are willing to spend so much on scaring the local wildlife, pets, and people with ptsd involving guns. So much spent on pointless gestures of fake patriotism when that money could have gone towards idk, a vacation? Something to actually better your life? Instead of buying fireworks, I got a grill and an electric kettle. For for $40 I was able to get those and they will last for years, what can $40 get you in fireworks? Dissapointment.
I fell asleep at some point and had a dream that I worked at a strange wearhouse store. It wasn't costco or sams club or anything like that, the walls seemed impossibly tall and so did the shelves. For some reason in the dream I was named Emma and somehow it got explained why but now that i'm awake, I don't really get what I was going on about. I like my name. The dream started off seeming normal despite what was said earlier but at some point huge spiders the size of your hand started showing up. Me and my manager (who for some reason really resembled my older brother) got tasked with killing them. They started off slow but slowly got faster and acrobatic. My dream ended shortly after one of the spiders used a broom to pole vault onto one of the shelves, it then proceeded to try to knock the broom down but got caught on the handle and the force of it coming crashing down caused it to kill itself. I remember waking up thinking wtf.
Anyways don't hurt spiders.
7/2/26
Having a fulltime job AND so many projects requiring lots of time an effort is painful. When I didn't have a job the projects kept me busy and happy. Now I find myself day dreaming about them and wishing I could go back to them. Unfortunately I can't really, I have mouths to feed and things that need to be paid for. I find myself stretched thin.
Luckily I have next week off work so I get to spend time on my projects HOWEVER I'm not getting paid for that time off so I'm only getting about half my regular paycheck next paycycle.
Tina and I needed to get out of the apartment to do something so despite money being tight, we decided to go to the mall. Both of us remembered why we don't like malls while there. I don't like them because they are a monument to capitalism and extravagance. Tina doesn't like them because of how crowded and loud it is. Anyways I got Tina a TADC Jax plushie + a reusable water bottle, I got myself some new shirts that fit really well + some lotion, and we both got some really nice smelling body sprays. We both enjoyed ourselves but at the same time it's not something that we can see ourselves doing very often at all due to what was said earlier. Maybe like a specific store or something when it's needed but not a whole mall walk.
6/25/26
Later in the day:
I came so close to quitting my job today. Apparently I'm not allowed to have my purse on me while working anymore. Management claimed it's because someone might accuse me of stealing. They made a point of saying that nobody accused me of stealing. It makes me feel like someone might have actually accused me of stealing or that transphobia is at play. I have not stolen a single thing from my workplace. Given the fact that other people that I work with wear purses and other bags that could also have the potential for storing illicitly gained goods, I am leaning towards the latter rather then the former. I've had Dead Kennedys' Take This Job And Shove It stuck in my head since very shortly after I got pulled off into the office where the conversation took place. In the moment it took all my restraint to not mention coworkers and their bags + the fact that the vests that they give us lowely peasant workers have two huge ass pockets on them that would be much bigger concern then the purse that I had been both using to store my wallet and items that I use for work that I bought with my money out of my own bank account.
I really want them to take this job and shove it. I have been misgendered by a good portion of my coworkers since starting the job. Some see the two tags below my nametag that says "she/her" and despite this, still call me masculine pronouns, or dude, or guy, or man. I have stated on my full blog before that I prefere they/them because I am nonbinary but I kept being told stuff like "oh they are all very new to this stuff" and "most people don't understand why someone would want to be called that" so I compromised and had to settle for she/her. I've been forced into the gender binary despite company policy stating that it is welcoming to all within the LGBTQIA+ community. Even with said compromise, I KEEP GETTING MISGENDERED. I don't look like a fucking guy. My boobs are g cups, my voice is higher pitched then all the guys there 80% of the time, I don't act like a guy. Despite all this it still happens. This shit has had me feeling suicidal at points. I've only been there for a fucking month. Despite this, I can pretty confidently say that the place would fall apart without me. I'm the only person on the janitorial team that speaks english instead of spanish in a store that has predominantly english speaking workers. I'm the only person on the janitorial team that responds to calls over the walkie talkie. I'm the only person on janitorial that actually cares about workers rights. and I'm the only person on the janitorial team that gives a fuck about the structural integrity of the building and makes a report when shit starts falling apart.
Earlier in the day:
Some of you on my profile might have noticed the Termux page on my site that is currently blank. I started typing up something for it but pretty soon after hit a hurdle after trying to get x11 running. It launches just fine. I can even run GUI applications through it. The main issue as far as I can tell is android itself. For some reason after a random period of time termux recieves signal 9. Once I can get a work around for it maybe I can make that page but until then it that hurdle kinda defeats the whole purpose of me doing that. I want to treat my tablet as a desktop pc and show others how to do so too. Oh well, maybe once theres a way to root my tablet.
In other news, I've once again become obsessed with the concept of Meshtastic. I remember becoming obsessed with the concept awhile ago but without the means to pay for any of it, that interest was put in the backseat. Now that I actually have the means to pay for it I plan on testing it out. I spent all day researching about it and settled on some devices. Has to wait until payday and then shipping tho. If Tina and I have a good experience with it I will definitely be making a page about it. The concept of a decentralized, encrypted, community driven texting network especially in the current day really speaks out to me. It's kinda like mastodon's federization except each Meshtastic node is an "instance" and instead of the internet it uses LoRa (long range radio communication) to connect nodes together which bounce signal from one another to increase the range of a network. Everyone who wants to use the network needs a node so the network is literally ran and owned by it's users. The main issue that I see with the concept is how terrain, plants, and buildings can get in the way of signal. This issue can be solved by placing nodes in higer up places like at the top of a hill or tall building. It's a really neat concept and the software behind it is open source.
6/23/26
I guess I didn't realize how hard Tina was taking the finale of TADC. It makes sense given everything that she has had to say on it. I guess I don't find myself as attatched to most of the media that I consume. With her reaction in mind, maybe thats for the best.
Thats not to say that I don't get what Gooseworx was trying to say. I do. I explained what I thought about it to Tina last night. Basically that what I got from the show is to reach out to your friends and people you know. Especially when they are isolating. You have no idea what someone is going through in that state so it's best to reach out anyways. Sure, the world that the characters lived in didn't mirror reality but their feelings and reactions are based their real world counter parts. Because they are all brain scans of said real world counter parts. I have had friends kill themselves in the past and it crushed me whenever it happened. I always felt like I could have done more. Upon reflection, in most of those cases I was the only person within their support network. While that can help a person, it doesn't even come close to solving the underlying issues. A support network is supposed to be a network, not just one string of a web. It requires the person to reach back to multiple hands reaching out to them, not just one. I guess what I'm trying to get at with this is that if you find yourself in a situation where you feel isolated and people are genuinely reaching out to you with good intentions, don't swat away the hand just because your past experiences has led you to feel like nobody ever could reach out with good intentions. Jax failed herself and others continuously by swatting away the hands that reached out. It lead to Ribbit, Kaufmo, and eventually herself abstracting. I don't blame her outright but it led to these events.
Due to my own past experiences I related to Pomni more then Jax in the finale. I do relate to Jax in certain reguards but mostly in the sense that I could have been a transfem dying in the closet. I shut some people out of my life but I never went out of my way to do so to people with genuine and good intentions. My biological family comes to mind. I closed them out of my personal life while I was still in school. Same with some friends from school and afterwards. They all claimed to have good intentions but my experience says otherwise. The hardest part was watching as me and my younger brother grew more and more distant after I came out as trans. I had trust issues and idealized suicide for awhile after all of those experiences. The reason that I relate more to Pomni is that once I got out of that state I was always trying to reach out to people who I felt needed it. My hand was swatted away a ton but some people took it. The people that it wasn't enough for, the ones who killed themselves, left me feeling traumatized to a point where I had stopped reaching out for awhile there. I didn't want to see someone else close to me die the same way. Despite this, a few years ago I started reaching out again. Despite that, the trauma still remains. The fact that even with people reaching out, someone could still commit suicide haunts me. Even with that said, it still has to be done. It's better to do what you can then to have done nothing at all.
I should have probably made this into a proper blog post. I probably will turn it into one when I have the time and access to my desktop pc. Wrote this up on my tablet since I woke up a bit to early to start getting ready for work yet and had the spare time to do so. With all this being said I do feel a bit closer to TADC and it's message. Reach out to the people around you.
6/22/26
Drunk gremlin here, two and a half small glasses of box white wine deep and it's hitting really hard for some reason.
I wanna tell you all about something that has been happening to the janitorial night crew at my workplace. Someone keeps pissing in a specific trash bin. We've got a trash bin pisser.
That is all. Thank you for your time.
6/21/26
I finally got pots and dirt so we could transfer our plants and maybe plant some new ones. Tina and I transfered them over last night, they seem to have survived that. Hopefully it will give them some space to stretch their legs. We still need to transfer over the jalapeno and strawberry plant. I'm not entirely sure the strawberry plant is going to survive the summer so theres some hesitation to transfer that one.
Also, apparently dirt isnt dirt cheap.
TADC got it's final episode. Tina and I watched it the other night. It's strange to me because I started watching it with my ex and now I finished it with Tina. End of an era type shit. No spoilers because came out the other night, giving people time to actually watch it since it's up on youtube now.
6/18/26
Bad news for the garden, I looked outside last night and saw that all 3 of the outdoor herbs had fallen over. One of which lost it's container. That was the basil. It's not going to make it. We never got to harvest any of it which sucks because Tina and I make a ton of food that benifit from basil. Peppers, strawberries, cilantro, parsely, and the mint plants are all fine tho. The outdoor herbs might be relocated inside for awhile because they are showings signs of stress but everything else is doing really well.
In other news, I got a tablet. I've been wanting a new laptop for awhile now but getting something decent and new for a reasonable price is pretty out of the question. All the decent budget friendly laptops out there are either $599 or more and have specs that leave much to be desired for the price point. You can thank AI and corporate greed for that. I hear you say "but PCs are expensive you have to be willing to pay thousands of dollars if you want something that can play recent games" to that I laugh and then cry. It was not all too long ago that you could get a nice tower pc with 16GB of DDR4 RAM, a mid range GPU, and 1+ TB of storage for a little over $1000. Now if you want to get a similar build for the same price good fucking luck. New laptops below the $599 price point are practically e-waste. Terrible build quality, paltry specs by today's standards, keyboards that feel like they will break if you look at them funny, and screens that have no excuse for being released in 2026.
Kingston is selling 16GB (2x8) of DDR4 for $189 (my tablet costs less then that). For DDR5 it's $360 which is just so ridiculous. I don't even want to get into GPU and CPU prices right now. So yes, I spent a $170 on a tablet with a nice 11 inch screen and enough ram to do what I need it to do well. Throw in an extra $30 for the keyboard case combo and now that tablet is a $200 laptop. Far better then remotely anything else you could find in that price range. I'm still going to keep my frankentop around but for average use this thing uses far less power, isn't tethered to a wall, and can do most of what I need the frankentop to do anyways. I'm very happy with my purchase. I made this post with said purchase.
6/12/26
One of the mint plants are struggling. Hopefully we can get it to recover.
6/8/26
Agh, I forgot to add to the garden blog. I'm going to stop making promises regarding that. The plants are doing well, lots of growth and they have been enjoying the weather. Tina has been taking good care of them while I've been busy with work.
I really really need to get back to making the webcomics. I wish I had more freetime to do so but my job is against that. Just know I want to work on them and now have the financial means to do so. CfDtD isn't expensive to make but it does require pens and paper both of which cost money. Time and energy however is another story in of itself. Went from having tons of the latter and none of the former to that being swapped around.
6/4/26
I am getting more used to the job now. That being said, some days are just awful. People can be awful. If you want a job that make you lose all your faith in humanity, retail janitorial has got you covered. So much shit. Shit smeared on toilets, walls, and places that people had to get really creative to pull off. It's not the corporation that you are hurting when you smear shit onto stuff, it's the poor janitorial crew (sometimes only one person) that make somewhere between minimum wage and just a touch over it. Fuck. It's not just that, some people will look at a bathroom closed sign and treat it as a challenge. While I was cleaning the men's room two guys barged in past the signs and was yelling about having to go and a sign can't stop that despite the fact that there was a whole other bathroom in the back. The other guy pulled down his pants and underwear while I was standing there.
At least I got payed. However it was only three days worth of pay. This job handles pay cycles in a weird way and so despite me working over a week now, I only got three days worth. At least I was able to get myself a decent monitor and table so I'm not having to use the TV in the living room and having to worry about everyone watching what I am doing on my PC the entire time. I have trauma from that because when I was growing up my parents always forced me and our siblings to keep our desks facing them and close to them. Once we were allowed to use our rooms for more then just sleeping we were never allowed to lock our doors and I would often look over to see my parents staring at what I was doing. We were allowed 0 privacy growing up. So when Tina's mom hovers out in the hall and watches what I am doing on the TV then mention something about what I was doing, it sets off my stress levels right away. Now I don't have to worry about that.
Also the monitor is really nice for how much it cost. 244hz, 27", has nice colors, although 1080p in 2026 is kinda a bummer. Everything feels so smooth and looks so much nicer then what I'm used to. It's kinda weird at first but I'm adjusting pretty fast.
I know on the 29th I said I was going to post to the garden blog but I was dead tired and sore. Needed some time to get used to the job before I felt like I could do much more then just resting on my days off. I'll get to it today.
5/29/26
holy shit what did I get myself into
I have zero energy right now, my body is feeling it, and I gotta go back to this job tomorrow.
5/27/26
Yeah so remember how I said I've been very busy as of recent? Well thats because I've been in the process of getting hired for a job. One that I now have. I won't have nearly as much time for hobbies as I used to now but at least I don't have to be so reliant on donations to afford basic necessities anymore. It also means I won't have to be so worried about being hit with the poor fee from my bank and the monthly neocities supporter charge. If you like what I do on my sites and it won't put you in a rough place by all means feel free to donate but also like maybe give that money to someone who is struggling more then myself instead.
I got some more plants for the garden! Will be making a garden blog page about them today hopefully.
5/24/26
Me and Tina got some plants yesterday! It's spearmint and peppermint. It's not much but it's a start to growing our own food. I'm aware of how invasive mint can be in yards but thankfully these two are going to be indoor plants so theres no risk of it causing issues. Hopefully I get to make my own home grown mint teas soon!
We plan on getting seeds for vegetables and other herbs soon but most of it will have to wait until later. We lack the pots and soil to really get started. I had been writing up a guide for planting foods and other stuff for yourself and your neighbors but all I've really had experience with in the past was strawberries. Decided to put that on hold until I can get some more experience with growing my own food.
In other news, I got pens! I can start working on the CfDtD again soon. Been very busy as of recent which I will talk about soon once everything is set and stone which may or may not happen. It's leaning towards will happen though!
5/21/26
Decided to play wii sports boxing 11pm until 1am. Went from about 680 score to 1752. At first it just started as me and Tina doing a round vs each other since we found another wii nunchuck in her closet. After that she just sat there and watched most of it. I was doing full motion punches and everything, my arms feel dead now lol. It's a really good workout if you do it like I did.
Kinda surprised I was able to given how I felt like shit earlier today. Like in bed all day kind of shit. Now I feel really good tho :3
5/16/26
Yesterday was really nice. Me and tina had some quality alone time, went grocery shopping and found some really good deals, had a really nice dinner, and caught up on some glitch pilot episodes. Was a much needed break from job hunting and existing within the US ^w^
I have some new ideas for my webcomic, just gotta actually make them now. Release date is still TBA, it's a whole process to make CfDtD. I need new pens and ideally more sketchbook paper. I have a lot of sketchbook paper left but if I'm making a bunch I will need more.
5/12/26
I really hate this country
5/6/26
Been doing so much work on Tokyo-to.neocities. I didn't intend to take a 8 month break from it but shit happens when your at the time fiance randomly decides to treat you like shit while doing no work on said site despite wanting credit for nothing. Any mention of him has been scrubbed from the site. Again, he did nothing on Tokyo-to.neocities so I don't feel a even a little bit of guilt. I actually feel a weight lifted from my chest.
Talked about Tony Hawk American Wasteland on the site. Went down the rabbit hole that is reTHAWed. The devs behind the mod are outright fascist so I felt a need to warn people about it. That warning has it's own dedicated page. One that is still being added to. Every time I look the rabbit hole gets deeper. Someone reached out to me specifically to talk about the STRCPY exploit that the mod allows to run so a bit explaining that and what it means for reTHAWed online players will be added to the page once I get the full story.
Outside of Tokyo-to, I've been doing pretty good. My meds are working, prog is working a little too well. Now I just gotta focus on getting back into a exercise routine. I don't have an exercise bike anymore so thats not having much in the way of cardio has been driving me a crazy. If anyone has any good suggestions for cardio without equipment or running outside please let me know.
5/1/26
Jaiden donated some money but paypal is saying it's on hold for 21 days ugggh.
Update: turns out I already paid for this months supporter tier so I guess I don't have to worry at all about that. Probably should have checked up on that before freaking out about it.
4/30/26
I'm glad to be back on my meds again, my body is feeling better.
That being said, it took all the money everyone donated to do so which is scary. I might bet hit with the poor tax for not having enough money in my bank for the monthly fee. I definitely won't have enough money for neocities supporter tier which has me a bit sad. Might be stuck with just commenting on people's site updates for the month and nekoweb. I just started working on Tokyo-to.neocities again too which means I'm scrambling to get all that I wanted up before neocities decides I'm not a supporter anymore.
I hate capitalism so much.
Update: My parents just sent over $5 which means I'll avoid the poor tax this month but it's still not enough to cover supporter tier.
4/28/26
I'M BACK ON HRT!!! I EVEN GOT PROG TO THROW INTO THE MIX!!!
4/24/26
So apparently nekoweb now allows you to serve regular http pages without ssl. At first I was excited because it means I finally get to make pages for old browsers that can't use https. I tried making Wii pages but my Wii's internet connection keeps coming in and out for some reason so that was pretty frustrating and hard to work around. I then decided to make some pages for the 3DS despite it being able to use ssl (sorta). Well, 4 hours later I finally got it to get my web comic viewable on real hardware however it was such a process I can't really recommend it for creative purposes. The 3DS's web browser is better then the Wii's in some ways but way worse in others. I will angrily shake my hand at the clouds now.
4/23/26
There is literally no justification you can give me for using twitter that I will accept. Don't fucking use the nazi platform how hard is this to understand? I don't care if it shows you cool shit and that you don't get nazi shit on your feed. You are still using the nazi social media platfrom, fuck off.
4/22/26
I found a nice dress in the back of me and Tina's closet that shows off cleavage. There is a button on it that is meant to stop it from doing so but my bust size is big enough that it refuses to stay buttoned up. I put it on then took out garbage bags with Tina. There was someone doing yard work out at the apartment, well while we were walking back I noticed them staring at me and then quickly acted like they were busy when they saw me looking at them. If it wasn't for them wearing a mask I could swear they were blushing.
Glad to see that despite me being off my meds for so long, I can still turn heads in the right clothes. It's one thing if its something like that, that was flattering. It's another when people are treating me like a piece of meat to be looked up and down. Not so flattering.
4/20/26
I got Tina to finally give PS1 emulation a try, saw her playing Crash Bandicoot which she says she liked. Also watched her start up Tomorrow Never Dies then looked away for a minute or two. By the time I looked over again she was play LOZ:OOT on a N64 emulator. Asked her what she thought of TND and she said awful lol. I played it earlier today because she was talking about maybe making a PS1 game recommendations page on her site and that she might recommend it. Can confirm, it's not great. Gonna get her to play some Ridge Racer R4 if I can.
Finally got back on state insurance and got an appointment set up for HRT! I'm going to be so glad to be back on my meds my body has been pretty upset with me for not having them for months. I really hope I can pick up the meds by the end of the month.
4/15/26
The california toilet paper warehouse arson seems to have people talking about how to fight back against the systems that hold us all down under capitalism.
"All you had to do was pay us enough to live"
A potential general strike seems back on the menu. Some people seem to be trying to discredit the idea by saying we need people showing us how to set it up properly but like... we are people. It's made me feel a need to make a guide on doing a general strike propped up through mutual aid. It's going to be talking mostly about food since that seems to be the main hurdle to get around when it comes to a general strike. Gardens and cooking. Distributing the resulting food to your community. Recipes that can be used to feed the masses. This doesn't solve the issue of rent or anything else but I do think it's important first step in making people realize this is possible and logistically sound when done on a large scale.
No promise on when it will be on the site since it's requires a lot of research but keep an eye out.
4/5/26
So uh... I may have started playing deadlock again. Streetbrawl is fun, don't ask me how I simultaneously top fragged and top healed.
4/2/26
I make a quick sketch of Jaiden's LE
For the true experience set this audio to loop
4/1/26
Dusk already has fan art!
JaidenLE was one of the first people to see Dusk and instantly fell in love with their look so she decided to make a 3D plush model of them.
"u got games on ur phone?" ~ Dusk
This whole concept of having characters that I made easily accessible on the internet for everyone to see is a bit new and surreal to me. I'm so happy to see people enjoying them. I enjoyed making them and the first webcomic so it's nice to see other people getting enjoyment out of them too!
If you make any fan art of my OCs please email them to me at
gremlin.noobsandnerds@protonmail.com
I'll display them here on the microblog and on the OC page for others to see too!
3/28/26
Two OCs added to the website
Something about this style makes me really happy. I hear you asking "why are Dusk and Riza living in City 17?" To that I have to say, they wanna know too.
3/27/26
I drew Tina's Fenna!
I think drawing with pen and paper is starting to come back to me now that I've forced myself to just draw and stop worrying so much about imperfections and other people's skills. Now we just need to see if I can keep that up with my own OCs.
3/25/26
Getting back into drawing thanks to Tina letting me use the supplies to do so, the concept of an OC as my site's mascot might yet be a reality.
3/20/26
Just learned that retroachievements.org is actually pretty cool, set up an account and am farming achievments.
On another note, special sauce and how it functions still alludes me. I don't care for it yet somehow I have been on page 1 for the past few days. All I have been doing is be somewhat active with site updates recently.
3/16/26
As someone who is Irish, I used to think the claims that we face racisms were overreactions. Not anymore. Was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation season 2 episode 18 with Tina earlier today and had to step away from the tv because the irish stereotypes were starting to piss me off.
3/15/26
My laptop's keyboard is having it's death throes, it has been struggling for awhile now but only today it has start to outright not register and misinput keypresses. Good thing it's not really a requirement to use it. Me and Tina have a spare wired keyboard that I have hooked up to it rn which does not have the same problem! The frankentop gets to keep living. This poor thing has had a rough go of it's 14 years of existence. It has survived through a milk spill from my mom when it was hers, a coffee spill from me, lost it's HDD caddy and shell cover, is scratched to all hell and back, saw the birth and updates to my websites, has traveled more distance then there is between the west coast and east coast of the US thanks to my dad from when it was his and me of course, is missing it's battery, and now has a dead keyboard. Will I let it rest in peace? No, this thing still wants in the ring. It still has years of life left in it. At this point I am convinced that when I die that this thing will follow me into the afterlife. I brought it back from death after my mom spilt milk on it 8 years ago. She killed one of the ram slots in the process but I managed to troubleshoot it and kept it swinging, single DIMM. She let me keep it. At one point I had ram in it that I ripped out of a laptop that I found in a dumpster and scrapped for parts. The CD/DVD player was busted at some point but I replaced it with one from my old Core 2 Duo mini PC, a part that is older then the laptop itself. Two years ago the CPU fan died and the heatsink was rusting but I replaced them and it runs better then it did when it first came into my possession. The HDD bay door is missing, same with the HDD caddy but the SSDs that I use in it are light enough that it doesn't matter + it means they are easily hotswapped. This laptop is punk as hell. Tina says it's more capable then I give it credit for but I'm just surprised it runs at all. Anyways, thats the frankentop lore for those of you who were unaware. I love it like it's my own child. If it ever does give out in a way that I can't fix I am probably going to cry.
3/13/26
The last chapter chapter in the ex saga has been completed hopefully. In the event that he comes back and stalks once more, here is this song. Get the fuck off my page and stay true to your words. Stay out of my life. I don't want to be apart of yours.
3/10/26
Been archiving a ton of PS1 games, lots of good stuff thats I missed out on by only having an N64 when I was younger. Final Fantasy VII is way more impressive then I thought it would be. I already knew about MGS1 but I've been playing it more recently. Ghost in the shell is a fun PS1 game even with me having no context with the franchise, personally not a big fan of the oversexualization of things at times but it fills my fast paced mech shooter needs. The water chase level is a bit stupid tho.
Made the mistake of playing Bubsy 3D and Gex. The commission that Kinger's VA from TADC (he's also Bubsy's VA in the upcoming bubsy game how the fuck) had commissioned had made me and Tina give it a try. Turns out, Bubsy and Gex yuri is not enough to make up for shit games lol.
3/2/26
I forgot to make a two years of gremlin blog post, whoops. Getting on it.
Playing ultrakill layer 8. Fuck the mirror reaper. This shit hard.
2/28/26
Finally have my tower pc back! Right in time too, my laptop's keyboard is showing it's age and wear. It was becoming a problem to try to do basic tasks on the poor frankentop (if you know it's history you know why I call it that). Idk how I managed to beat the earth mover in ultrakill and then proceed to start to P rank layers on the thing. I also got my xbox 360 back! Me and Tina have so many games to play now.
2/3/26
Still alive, just don't got a whole lot to say other than I'm working on something for the archive.
1/25/26
Development picked up then immediately fell off. The soon is now "soon" in valve time. Sorry for anyone expecting it. Silly chicken game is the least of my concern rn. It's probably getting pushed over to godot too so it will take even longer then it orignally was going to once it picks back up.
Looking through my blog is depressing. Tbf so are the events taking place in this fuck ass country. I've been meaning to make another bug blog to lighten things up but I keep forgetting. Got lots of images that I took forever ago just waiting to be uploaded and used but I just have not gotten around to it.
I finally got one of the baby dreams that Tina has been. In it, one of us were pregnant and I was filling up a small locker with baby toys and other stuff for them to use as they grew up. When I woke up from it I felt a level of dissapointment that I haven't felt before. I've been in a depressive rut since then. Everything else going on in the country hasn't been helping, in fact those events alone makes me not want to have a kid. I don't want them have to experience life as it is rn. It would be selfish to force a being into this existence. All that says nothing about me and Tina's lack of ability to conceive one and handle the finances involved.
Me and Tina tried to talk to some friends to distract us but their lack of aknowledgement of what took place in Minnesota the other day had us feeling pretty fucked up. We ended up quietly leaving the call, then cried for awhile while listening to moody music. I love her so much. She doesn't deserve to feel the way that she has been.
To lighten the mood up a bit, someone sent me an email that reads as follows. "I am a Tennage designer I need this job for earning ,I am even under my parents permission" Sorry to dissapoint you, I only have $4 in my bank account. Also I don't remember making a job listing. Thanks for giving me a laugh tho, it was much needed.
1/15/26
Development on Gretta's Revenge has started back up, Tina and I had a ton of fun making assets today. I don't want to promise any date yet but keep an eye out for a new demo soon.
1/5/26
I think I've been playing too much tomodachi life recently. I've been neglecting my actual life. Definitely going to start limiting my time spent playing it.
12/24/25
Finally have a new stockpile of bulk foods. It's not perfect but it will feed me, Tina, and her mom in the event that we can't leave the house for long periods of time.
I hope that everyone has been having happy holidays! (except for zionists, fascists, my exes, and most of my family)
Watched the muppets version of a christmas carol with Tina, I'm always down to watch a rich old fart get the humanity scared into him. I think the computer animated one does a better job with the last ghost tho. After that we drove around and looked at all the houses with lights. My family used to do that too but stopped at some point when I was still a kid.
12/22/25
We have had the new bed for a few days now, so much better then sleeping on the floor. Being able to get a good nights rest is so nice.
I've been having weird dreams recently. Before I moved I didn't really remember much of them, now I remember lots of them very vividly. Ever since getting the bed I've been having better dreams but my most recent one was upsetting. It was a good dream up that took place in a grocery store until I went to checkout. At the register was my mom who instantly started giving me shit over things that didn't even make sense. I walked out without buying anything and could still hear her yelling from inside the store. I woke up thinking she was in me and Tina's place. I laid in bed until I was sure she wasn't.
It's almost like my brain isn't used to not being constantly traumatized and had to do something to fix it. My mom still calls every so often and acts nice but like... I don't forget the trauma. It can be hard at times trying to talk to her. I avoid it unless she reaches out.
I don't forgive my family, I don't forgive my ex for enabling their abuse, I feel hate.
Luckily hate isn't the only thing I feel anymore, being here with Tina has been a great for my mental health. I feel like a person with complicated emotions rather then an animal stuck in a cage. Only took two and a half decades but I'm free now.
As free as my mind lets me be anyways.
I'm thinking about making music, I need some sort of creative outlet for these emotions. Tina's really good with that kind of stuff so maybe she can show me the ropes even more then she already has. I miss my acoustic guitar, sure the digital tools are cool but I miss putting my emotions into my voice and fingers.
12/19/25
I need to make my own oc to replace neco arc as my site's mascot. See the problem is every time I try it feels like I just make another neco arc varient or it's too inspired by other characters from the media and art that I consume. Nothing feels original. Getting a commission is out of the question, I don't have the money for it and even if I did it wouldn't be my own creation. I understand that being inspired isn't a bad thing but idk.
12/18/25
I didn't mention it but the air matress that Tina and I had been sleeping on popped.
We will be getting a new bed soon, cant wait until we can get some proper sleep.
12/7/25
Yesterday I was feeling pretty low after saying everything said in my last post. I spent most of the day in bed crying and shaking. Tina made me feel better but theres only so much you can do to mend the wound that is the loss of the person that you thought was your best friend and for 2 years your partner. Today I've been doing better. It started off pretty bad, I couldn't handle all the hate and selfishness going on in the world around in real time. It can get to be too much sometimes.
Luckily Tina was able to turn that around too. Despite the rough start it's been a pretty good day so far. We watched the hobbit part 2, sat outside and talked, and most recently I showed her part of my workout routine while topless. See it's not inherently a sexual thing especially since I can't really workout with my bras on anymore, it gets too hot and sweaty and I only get about half of the routine done. That being said, I have G possibly H cups now so it was a spectacle for her I imagine. After that she played me some mario music and ended it with Good Riddance by Green Day. My ex unfriended me on steam yesterday or the day before (not sure which, I've not been on the platform often recently). So the last song felt bittersweet. Me and my ex always said we would follow each other to hell and back. It's clear to me now that it was only a lie to make me think they actually had my back.
Before I broke up with them they had said the past two years was a lie. Despite that, for some reason in the moment I still thought we could maybe work things out. I don't know why I was more cordial to them then I really should have been. They had been pushing me off for months and it felt like I didn't know them by the end. I would ask why they did it but at this point it doesn't matter. They aren't my fiance or even my friend anymore. Good riddance is an apt way to put it. Billy Joe wrote that song after a breakup where he was angry and upset with his ex girlfriend for leaving the way that she did. I feel a similar way about how things ended between me and them. Some people really misunderstand that song. Some people literally danced to it at their proms. Tina told me that it was used for eulogies at her high school. Tbf some people don't care about the lyrics in the music that they consume. Couldn't ever be me. That song is through and through a disgruntled breakup song.
12/5/25
The PI situation was apparently a misunderstanding from my family. The PI was actually looking for someone with the same name as me who used to be friend's with my older brother and dad. She kinda went off the deep end. She stalked my older brother quite a bit which is why once the PI got ahold of him things got cleared up. I knew I wasn't that interesting lol.
I guess this means I gotta put my full site back up eh? Probably not tonight tho. I feel like rearranging some stuff first. I hate to make dead links but I also hate how my site was organized. All the pages will be there just gotta look for them again.
My most recent ex is back on neocities. They probably read about me dating someone else now. Oh well. I did want to be clear with them but I didn't feel like I was allowed to be. We broke up and I said we are just friends until we can figure stuff out. I should have said we are just friends. I have no intention of returning to that relationship. In the moment I genuinely thought maybe. Now however? No. That ship has sailed and sunk to the bottom of the ocean. I had my reasons to split in the first place. You can go on that journey of self improvement and I do recommend that you do + see it through until the end however don't expect me to be there for you romantically after the way things ended unless me and my girlfriend decide we want to have a polycule (very unlikely). I love her too much and was hurt too much by you to return to just you and me. That ship was leaking too much and sunk as a result.
Thats not to say that I hate you. In fact it's quite the opposite. I still love and care about you. I wish the best for you in life. I just can't return to a situation where you are allowed to have that much control over me and my behavior. You made me put up with my family's abusive bullshit because you couldn't handle it and I have a sneaking suspicion that both my brothers manipulated you into thinking it was me that was the problem. Aside from this, your own family are nut cases and you would always wait so long to confront them on any issues to the point where I felt like no contact with them was the best choice. After a certain point in our relationship I felt like a shell of my former self. Like I had to censor the person that you helped create. You built me up and then tore me down. I'm left fixing the broken pieces once more.
I wish we could have talked about this one on one but everything leading up to this point told me that no, we can't. Well my feelings are now here for you to consume at your own leasure. Anything else left to say can be summed up by the song below.
You've had plenty of time to speak up yourself and all I got was silence so I don't want to hear it now. We can still be friends. Don't expect anything more then that.
12/1/25
Moving here has had it's ups an downs. I hear guns being fired far more often than I am comfortable with, sometimes rather close. Another problem has been the cold but honestly I don't really see it as a problem, I always loved cold weather and snow. I've been breaking out with itchy bumps everywhere on my body and we are no closer to figuring out whats causing it then we were since it started. My skin is already scarring from some of the worst of it but luckily there is less bumps that are actively itchy on my skin. In order to get laundry done I need 10 quarters per load because the washer and dryer are coin operated and communal. 5 for the washer and 5 for the dryer. Wanna know the most annoying part of it? The bank only lets you exchange $10 increments into quarters. Oh and bed bugs, me and my girlfriend found bedbugs. I feel like I should have started off with that one.
Despite all those annoying and sometimes dangerous things, there is a lot of things that are way better here then the other places that I lived. I don't have to worry about my family killing me or kicking me out because I'm nowhere near them anymore and live with my girlfriend. Speaking of living with my girlfriend, thats another big positive! We love each other very much and make each other very happy! We both know how to cook which is a big plus. We also have both been getting enough grocery money in order to make use of that. We have been eating very well to say the least. I've been slowly turning my gf and her mom vegan (or at the very least vegetarian) by making vegan foods for them to enjoy! They took to the beyond burgers/beyond beef so well which kinda caught me by surprise since my family refused to touch the stuff. Tacos is probably one of our favorite uses of beyond beef. We season the "beef", put them in shells, then throw diced red onion on top. On my own I also add hot sauce or salsa. We would add lettuce too but we keep forgeting to pick it up at the store. Another thing that I have been doing is increasing their spice tolerance and showing them how to properly season things. They used to be pretty milktoast (their words, not mine) before I got here but now they are actually willing to use more seasoning and eat the spicy stuff that I make. Still haven't convinced them to use black pepper tho.
Me and my gf have been watching tons of shows and movies. Before I just kinda watched whatever I could find on adult swim's online marathons (except for rick and morty, fuck that show). Now I'm watching stuff she has hoarded like Bob's Burgers, Space Ghost Coast to Coast, LoTR + The Hobbit, Courage the Cowardly Dog (my parents never let me watch it as a kid), and the occasional spongebob episode. We've also been playing my Wii a ton. Thanks to my Wii + GCN hoard and her own, we will have enough to play for years. I miss my xbox 360 and PC capable of running new graphics heavy games but honestly it's been good for my mental health to not be playing shooter games all the time. Yes, the Wii has shooter games however I don't find myself playing them very often especially around my girlfriend. On top of all the Wii + GCN stuff we have a ton of 3DS/2DS games to play so I don't really find myself getting all too bored around here. Despite all the bad, we have it really good right now. Both me and her finally get to be happy. Not like the kind of happy where you tell people you are happy to get them off your back because you don't want to talk about your mental health around people who are going to make it worse, we are genuinely happy. Now we just gotta watch out for evil and intimidating horses.
11/25/25
Before the move my older brother told me that I would get homesick at some point.
Tbh the only things that I miss is weed and my older brother's pets.
Getting away from my family for good is one of the best things to ever happen to me.
Very big shoutout to the people who donated my escape funds.
Most of it was just from one person and tbh I really hope it hasn't put her in a rough spot financially.
Backtracking to my last post, the PI apparently had said something about being concerned about my mental health.
I want it to be known that I am not depressed, suicidal, or anything like that.
That if I suddenly disappear it's not of my own free will.
It's nice to be back on neocities and working on my sites again.
That being said, I need to find a job. Trying to do so in a state that hates trans people has me nervous.
If the trip over here taught me anything, it's that I can't pretend to be a guy anymore.
Doing so kills me inside so no more of that.
If I'm to find a job it will have to be somewhere that will accept me for who I am.
11/23/25
I am safe, or safer I guess. Can't ever be truly safe under the current US administration (regime).
However, I won't let that hold me back from speaking up.
Someone apparently sent a PI after me or my parents we can't really tell which. Luckily I'm nowhere near them anymore.
The place I'm at has it's own issues but at least they aren't the kind where you are concerned about your parents killing each other and you.
I'm so greatful to be where I am with my loving girlfriend. She makes me so happy.
All is well for now.